Mark Twain

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man.

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.

Man is a religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion — several of them.